Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
