remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize