his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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