I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
