apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
