We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
