I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
