Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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