Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize