My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
