Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
