I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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