End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
