She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
