Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
