I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
