so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So vagazzling was a success
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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