He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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