The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
