I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize