My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
one two three fourrrrnication!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize