oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
