can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
