I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
