Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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