I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
