Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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