saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
