Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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