doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
