He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
