I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
