Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
