you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
