Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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