I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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