you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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