And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You ruined the universe
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
