ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
