He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
