I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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