get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
