you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
