from now on my penis is your penis
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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