you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
