So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
