Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
