dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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