Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize