new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize