if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
