dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
