I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
