I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
