Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
