Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
