Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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