P.S. I can't hear my feet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
