Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
