She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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