I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
