This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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