Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
