Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
