we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
