Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
