This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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